Shawn & Chad's House of Dad Jokes

[Jaro1069]

I just saw this on another site and got a laugh....

Picked up a hitch hiker. Seemed like a nice guy.

After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?

I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

 

[Jaro1069]

And another similar one too...

When the statistician was arrested after being discovered with a bomb in his carry on bag, he explained, “I know the chances of there being one bomb on an airplane, but the probability there are two is extremely low. I was just trying to improve my odds of arriving safely.”

 

[ShawnF]

Spring is here!

I got so excited I wet my plants.

 

[ShawnF]

My daughter screeched "daaaad! You haven't listened to one word I've said! "


What a strange way to start a conversation with me....

 

[ShawnF]

My friend keeps saying "Cheer up. It could be worse, you could be underground in a hole full of water."


I know he means well.

 

[ShawnF]

Three unwritten rules of life.

1.
2.
3.

 

[Cvargo]

I feel personally attacked

 

[Majorrich]

Three unwritten rules of life.

1. The best advice a man can heed, is to plant no more garden than the wife can weed.
2.
3.

 

[Aaron]

What was Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination?
HAND EEEEEYYYYYYEEEEE!

 

[Keto]

Dad's been gone since 2003 one who is jokes.
A blacksmith was working by his forge when a man come in to see him well he was visiting the visitor grabbed a horseshoe and it was hot so we threw it down quickly.
Blacksmith said it's hot isn't it? The man visitor said no it just doesn't take me all day to look at a horseshoe!

 

[The Monkey]

Did you read the news that the bread factory burned down?

The business is toast.

 

[Aaron]

How do you find out how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

 

[NurseDave]

 

[Aaron]

 

[Aaron]

"Alligator" is a terrible name. I've never seen one alligate.

 

[Aaron]

I thought removing the shell from my racing snail would make him faster, but it actually made him more sluggish.

 

[NurseDave]

Why can’t you use Beef Soup as a password?


It’s not stroganoff

 

[Dave in KY]

Why can’t you use Beef Soup as a password?


It’s not stroganoff

Actually heard this the other day and meant to post it

 

[Aaron]

Why can’t you use Beef Soup as a password?


It’s not stroganoff

Is it coincidence or do you listen to Endless Thread, too?

And while I'm here - What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
attire

 

[NurseDave]

Is it coincidence or do you listen to Endless Thread, too?

Heh, yep