Shawn & Chad's House of Dad Jokes

[ShawnF]

An elderly couple was sitting in church. The husband leans over and says "I just let out one of those silent farts." The wife leans back to him and says "you need to change your hearing aid batteries. "

 

[BarberDave]

 

[Cvargo]

@NurseDave what does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Spoiler

a synonym roll

 

[NurseDave]

 

[Cvargo]

@NurseDave ready for some math? How many seconds are in a year?

Spoiler

12

Spoiler

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd....

 

[NurseDave]

 

[Cvargo]

Saturday

@NurseDave how do you get straight A's?

Spoiler

with a ruler

 

[Cvargo]

Sunday

What is a pirate's favorite subject?

Spoiler

Arrrrrrt

 

[Cvargo]

Today

@NurseDave how do bees get to school?

Spoiler

on the school buzzz

 

[NurseDave]

 

[Cvargo]

@NurseDave why didn't sun go to college?

Spoiler

it already has like a million degrees

 

[NurseDave]

 

[Jaro1069]

Jack was fed up being unemployed and went to his local Jobcentre.
He told the guy behind the desk he had been trying for every job advertised but had no success.
The guy suggested "Have you tried the Search and Rescue Team....they are always looking for someone"

 

[Cvargo]

@NurseDave why do cafeteria clocks run slow?

Spoiler

They always go back seconds

 

[NurseDave]

 

[BarberDave]

 

[Jaro1069]

What do you call someone who delivers Indian food ?

A Currier.

 

[Cvargo]

@NurseDave what do you call someone who carries a dictionary in their back pocket?

Spoiler

smarty pants

 

[NurseDave]

 

[BarberDave]

My glucose monitor just jumped off my arm and ran away