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YOU DID WHAT!!!???

dangerousdon

dangerousdon

"I am Udderly Insufferable”
Veteran
Concierge Emeritus
We have all done it. And if you say you haven't then you are probably hiding something...AND THE CADRE WILL FIND YOU!!!
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I kid, I kid, well sort of...but not really.

Anyway...we have all done it, that one thing that you did in an instant and realized that was not what you meant to do. It wasn't funny then...but it is hilarious now. This thread can cover a wide spectrum of things...open interpretation...COME ON LADIES AND GENTS...LET'S EMBARRASS OURSELVES!!!

I'll get things started...

This one is quite simple but I still laugh at myself to this day. I was preparing to brush my teeth prior to work one day. I grabbed my tooth brush and the toothpaste. I applied the toothpaste to the toothbrush. I wet the head of the brush and applied brush with paste on it to the inside of my mouth and began cleaning my smile bones...

I then realized that something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong. I was not tasting the minty goodness of toothpaste that I have come accustomed to. I was tasting something...well something disgusting! Whatever it was left a very greasy sticky film all over the inside of my mouth. It tasted something awful and a flavor that to this day leaves me speechless when I try to describe it.

I looked down to see what I had applied to the tooth cleaning instrument...

Desitin! Yup...I applied that cream that soothes and relives irritation for infants and babies who suffer from the chronic issue of Diaper Rash!

It took me hours to remove the taste and feel of that incredibly gross stuff. It wasn't funny then...but I laugh about it now. Sadly, I have a lot of these type stories!
 
This one’s bad on many levels. This was probably about 20 years ago, at a grocery store.

I was unloading groceries from my cart onto the checkout counter. As I was lifting containers onto the checkout, I felt something wet on the back of my hand. Something had somehow escaped one of the containers and got on my hand. I looked down, and it was a little dab of something. It was off-white in color and custardy in appearance, and assumed it was mayonnaise. Why I thought it was mayonnaise I have no idea. I mean, sure, I had recently unloaded mayonnaise from my cart, but how would it have escaped the jar? I wish I had thought about that for about 1 more second, but I didn’t. The next thought that entered my mind was to get rid of said mayonnaise by just quickly licking it off the back of my hand, before anybody saw it. Why I thought this was the best option in that split second, I have no idea. And even if it was mayonnaise, why would you do that???

I quickly discovered that what I had just put in my mouth was Cascade liquid dish washer detergent. And now I was really stuck. I couldn’t spit it out right there in the checkout, and I certainly wasn’t going to swallow it. I just had to patiently sit there in line, while she rang up my groceries, patiently holding the cascade in my mouth, trying to keep it as far from my tongue as possible, and just hoping that the cashier didn’t say anything to me that required a response that a simple head nod wouldn’t cover.

It it seemed like eternity sitting there, waiting, my mouth salivating the whole time making it worse. I finally got checked out, paid for my groceries, and made a b-line with my cart to the door. I spit it all out as soon as I got outside. That is still a horrible memory, and I’ve never told anyone that story before.
 
Oh man KJ! That is a story...thanks for sharing. I was laughing the entire time I read that! Horrible memories indeed!
 
This happened while I was a freshman in high school. I was a wrestler so I had last period PE and stayed a couple hours after school for practice. His meant when it came time to change back into street clothes the locker room was usually sparsely populated and those who were there were wrestlers or football players. One of my teammates was a rather large Samoan, the first Samoan I had ever met. He was a stoic guy with a Perminant grimace and happened to be in or close to the weight class I trained in. This all happened pretty early in the school year, before we really knew each other. He had taken to grabbing my deodorant and using it before I had a chance to use it, the thought of swiping that stick under my arms right after some other guy had just done the same left a bad taste in my mouth so I decided to do something about it. I noticed that the icy-hot is Lee rub stick was the same shape as the Aridxx deodorant so I swapped them out. The next day I set the trap and he quickly grabbed the “deodorant”. Knowing my prank would result in a very big and angry Samoan I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door. I didn’t make it far befor I heard the painful grunts turn to screams. I didn’t stop to see how bad it got but I imagine it want pretty.

The big guy never mentioned the incident but he and I became great friends, guess he respected my way of han9the situation.
 
I've done lot's of stupid things, but most aren't really that entertaining.

First time I broke my nose was in 5th grade. Showing off I could do a front flip with no springboard and flipped to fast smacking into my own knee.
Lots of BMX wrecks that ended up with some kind of scar.
Carrying a piece of pipe so heavy it dislocated my collarbone but still worked all day after that. Never got it fixed so it's nice and arthritic now.
Pulled on a spud wrench so hard when the end broke off it hit me in the chin and chipped my jaw bone.
Got my glove ("safety" equipment) caught in a machine that was shut off, and the power locked out cutting off a finger.
Broke my nose when a drill caught.
Shot a nail through a board into my finger.
Broke both hands at least twice at some point or another. (All separately, not together.)
Picked up the end of a bar joist to flip it off the pile and the other end caught and threw is back into my leg leaving a nice S shaped gash.
Stepped on a few nails. One that I remember went all the way through. That one I was about 8 I think.
Cut a piece of angle iron with a torch, bent down to pick up the piece and stood back up into the end I just cut with my arm.
Got a finger between a piece of pipe I was driving as a stake and the 10 pound sledge hammer.
1/2 inch long metal splinter about 1/8 inch thick shoved completely into the side of my thumb.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head, but I know there has been at least 5 times that....

Don't do many jokes on people other than a bit of ribbing, and don't fall for many, so not much of that to tell other than the glove one most of you guys have already heard.

Oh, I was rock climbing one time. Just bouldering so I didn't have any of my ropes set up. Was about 15 feet up coming around an overhang. I grabbed this one hold that was a perfect fit for the nub, pushed out with my feet a little and let go with the other hand to go for the next hold. As soon as I pushed to reach the one I had a hold of broke off. Even coming straight out I managed to get my feet under me enough to hit with them first and go into a backwards roll instead of smashing down head first.

Just boring injuries for me really haha.
 
I love how he’s just so nonchalant about losing a finger.....
 
Spider said:
I love how he’s just so nonchalant about losing a finger.....
Click to expand...

I wish I was making this up, but I'm too dumb to.... When The piece caught my glove I felt my finger break. I yanked my hand back and said a choice word or two. Then I looked at my glove and it was already leaking. I honest to god, out loud, said "well that's gonna suck."

Then I pulled the glove off and saw it splayed open resting on the other one with a piece of the bone flipped upside down and thought "yeah... that's not good." Pinched it off where it was leaking and walked across the plant to find the supervisor. He started to panic. I walked back across the plant to the parking lot, walked to the ambulance, and walked into the ER. The ER Dr. lifted the gauze and said "I'm not touching it, wait for the specialist."
The specialist came in at 8:30 in the morning. This was at about 3:45ish am by that time. So I wandered around flirting with the nurses for almost 5 hours.

It's just a finger right? I have more.
 
As a guy who talks for a living I have placed my foot in my mouth several times...and both feet often!

We were having a gathering one evening. Just a chance to get together and share what is going on in our lives and then spend some time together in prayer. These are usually small groups, maybe 8 to 12 people.
This one time I was pretty tired. It had been a long week and the hour was getting late. After sharing we either stay together or we will break up with the men and women going to different rooms. I thought I would give the group the choice. So I asked,

"Do we want to break up or...."

......my mind went blank!
I wanted to say co-ed but the word just refused to pop into my mind. As I was racing through the dictionary in my mind my mouth just kept on talking...

"Do we want to break up or........or......"

my mind still refusing to give me the word!

" or.....do we want...."

Come on brain! !

" or do we want to pray........"

what is the stupid word?? "

Men and women together...come on what's the word!!

"Or do we want to pray inter........sexually?"
OH My...what just came out of my mouth?

Maybe no one was listening? I looked up and the stunned looks on everyone's faces told me that not only had I said what I thought I said but that they had heard ever syllable.

I now know what total silence is like. It was as if time stood still! It is amazing how just moments ago my mouth wouldn't shut up but now my jaw just hung open and I wasn't able to produce a sound.
Finally a man I love dearly broke the silence with " Pastor, we're baptists and I don't think we are allowed to do that." The room filled with laughter and I was reminded how stupid I am.
 
I would definitely be worse than that......

I can't do any kind of public speaking. That's why I don't post videos, I just can't do it. Heck as much as Don and I talked online, when I actually met him last fall, I was still nervous and afraid of making a fool of myself.
I'll stand on an I beam 100 feet in the air and still salute you for being able to do what you do John.
 
ShawnF said:
I would definitely be worse than that......

I can't do any kind of public speaking. That's why I don't post videos, I just can't do it. Heck as much as Don and I talked online, when I actually met him last fall, I was still nervous and afraid of making a fool of myself.
I'll stand on an I beam 100 feet in the air and still salute you for being able to do what you do John.
Click to expand...

You know if you eat the reaper peper you could just record the audio. I'm sure we would still get the picture!
 
Yes Shawn, eat the reaper...you won't be able to talk so you can't say too many awkward things. maybe you can manage a prosthetic finger attachment that you can bite off on camera trying to over come the pain the reaper has dealt. Then say "well that's gonna suck".

John, I can imagine how difficult it must be to get back up on the horse after a verbal stumble. You KNOW everyone in the room is there for one reason and that is to hear every syllable you utter...no pressure.
 
My wife and I took our honeymoon at Virginia Beach. Just up the peninsula was an enormous complex called the Williamsburg Pottery. What better place to pick up a few odds and ends for our new home I had been batching in for over a year. In one area were large bins of dried flowers of something that aroused my curiosity, and my sniffer being to detect what was inside I gamely stuck my head in a bin and took a healthy whiff.
What happened next is something of a psychedelic dream filled with head spinning and multicolored visions as I reeled from the potpourri held in that tightly closed container. I believe I stumbled away from the bins and blindly flailed about, knocking stuff all over the aisle. I had gassed myself with a substance that was, to me, worse than any CS Gas I had encountered. It took a few moments to get my eyes back open and m6 brain to function again. 30 years later Mama still brings it up.
 
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