Shawn & Chad's House of Dad Jokes

[ShawnF]

Inspired by @Brew and his status post, let's hear your best.

Three blondes walk into a bar.



You'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

[uacowboy]

How do you count cows?







With a Cowculator!

 

[ShawnF]

Why don't blind people skydive?







It scares the heck out of their dogs....

 

[ShavePastor]

Why should we be more sensitive to coffee?









Because it gets mugged every morning.

 

[ShawnF]

Why did the stormtroopers get iPhones?






Because they couldn't find the droids they were looking for.

 

[Brew]

What do you call a deer that has no eyes?




No idea.

 

[Brew]

What do you call a deer that has no eyes and no legs?



Still no idea.

 

[ShavePastor]

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Anita.

Anita who?

Anita cheeseburger, I'm starving.

 

[Cvargo]

My favorite with my 5 year old.

Connor: Dad i'm hungry.
Me: Hi Hungry i'm dad.

 

[ShawnF]

What do you call two guys hanging on a window?






Kurt and Rod.

 

[Dave in KY]

 

[ShawnF]

What concert only costs 45 cents?






50 cent featuring nickleback.

 

[JWS VII]

Did you hear about that scarecrow that won a lifetime achievement award?




He was outstanding in his field.

 

[ShawnF]

What do you call syrup with a speech impediment?






Mrs. Stuttersworth

 

[ShawnF]

What happens when a llama lays on top of you?





You get llamanated.

 

[ShawnF]

Why did the skeleton turn off the scary movie?





He didn't have the stomach for it.

 

[bentheduck]

My eyes almost rolled out of my head reading every single joke. I'm clearly not a dad yet.

 

[woodpusher]

How does a wet dog smell?





With its nose!

 

[The Monkey]

Why isn't your nose 12 inches long?





Then it would be a foot.

 

[woodpusher]

When is a door not a door?



When it's ajar.