Help a n00b out regarding past discussion of healthy purchasing

[elmerPHuD]

⚠WARNING: Buzz Kill Ahead

I know we joke about enabling. But I am preparing for a video on my channel that is going to be titled something like "avoid overpurchasing" or "are you buying too many shaving products" or "why did you buy your last shaving product" or "mindful purchases"?

Consider the following definition from A review of compulsive buying disorder
"Compulsive buying disorder (CBD) is characterized by excessive shopping cognitions and buying behavior that leads to distress or impairment. Found worldwide, the disorder has a lifetime prevalence of 5.8% in the US general population. Most subjects studied clinically are women (~80%), though this gender difference may be artifactual. Subjects with CBD report a preoccupation with shopping, prepurchase tension or anxiety, and a sense of relief following the purchase."

Anyway here is a shorthand of my initial thoughts on unhealthy buying.

Symptoms:

• hiding purchases or packages from significant others
• making purchases on credit and allowing interest to accrue
• anxiety over purchases start stealing your enjoyment of the hobby
• the amount of choices in your collection when deciding on SOTD is overwhelming
• breaking commitments to yourself or others of a purchasing hiatus
• running out of storage to the point it is stealing your enjoyment of the hobby
• start feeling bad for the delivery workers (kind of funny - but my poor postal guy has to get out of his car nearly every day)
• from Why Compulsive Shopping Disorder Needs to Be Taken More Seriously
  • Preoccupation with shopping for unneeded items.
  • Spending a great deal of time doing research on coveted items and/or shopping for unneeded items.
  • Difficulty resisting the purchase of unneeded items
  • Financial difficulties because of uncontrolled shopping.
  • Problems at work, school or home because of uncontrolled shopping.

Reasons: (hard to know if some of these are good reasons or rationalizations / justifications for bad buying ( like the 5th one).

• self-medicating "negative" emotions (compulsive buying release dopamine in the brain as does receiving packages)
• FOMO (fear of missing out - always need to be "in the know".
• wanting to be one of the cool kids
• peer pressure
• relatively low price of entry to experience "luxury" items
• quest for your signature scent

Solutions:

• avoid blind buys
• give wishlist to significant others
• decide on max capacity and institute when something new comes in something has to go out
• having significant other or good friends hold you accountable
• set a monthly or annual budget
• avoid enablers (hard to distinguish)
• content creators should avoid saying things like "don't think about it - just get it - its that good"

Look I know we are grown ass men, and many of you are disciplined enough to kick in the self control, but clearly many are not. Since my channel is about trying to be a healthy middle aged man, I want to address this on my channel.

So I would appreciate any and all sincere info you can share like past forum discussions, suggestions for any of the above lists, suggestions for video title - anything - even critiques of anything I have said or this idea in general.

 

[elmerPHuD]

PS: I am particularly interested in suggestions for my viewers of how to control their spending.

 

[dangerousdon]

I think you are in the wrong place if you are looking for solutions to help you out.

 

[elmerPHuD]

One other thought or question: What responsibility to we have as keepers of the hobby to warn newcomers to the blind spots?

 

[NurseDave]

Well crap. This brings into clear focus what a bad influence ya'll are. @Cvargo please delete my account.

 

[elmerPHuD]

Look, I am guilty as any one, but this is a discussion that has to happen. Maybe it has. Because I have heard some of y'all talking about being on purchase sabbaticals or talking about SAD and other acronyms.

 

[MilkCrate]

Very good subject to cover.

I remember a thread on another shaving forum and the guy had been compulsively buying shaving things. And he would do many of the things on your list, such as hiding them from his spouse, lying to his spouse about it and creating financial problems.

He had come onto the forum asking for help. But the help he wanted was how to cover it up better and save his marriage. Users were trying to steer him in the right direction, but he didn’t want to hear it. Then the wife signed onto the forum to blame the members. Then they were both gone. Messy business. But it is an unhealthy obsession and needs to be addressed.

 

[dangerousdon]

sabbaticals

SSH! That's a dirty word around here and could get you banned!

Serious discussion though. I just make my purchase less often and really worth it. No longer to I buy the latest and greatest scented soap or aftershave. I have enough of those. I replace things I run out of and like. And every now and then I will purchase a soap or aftershave. But I really try to limit my spending to just really awesome stuff that I can't live without. This group buy with the SV brush is tops. You just have to ask yourself, is this particular purchase really unique and worth whatever potential hazards that may exist down the road.

 

[elmerPHuD]

But the help he wanted was how to cover it up better and save his marriage. Users were trying to steer him in the right direction, but he didn’t want to hear it. Then the wife signed onto the forum to blame the members.

That indeed sounds like a Bad show. Glad to hear members tried to help him.

 

[Cvargo]

Well there is a very clear difference between buying toiletries and then particpating in a hobby. For 99% of the people here it is a hobby.

I do agree though if your hobby begins to effect your life negatively it is probably time to re-evaluate. Part of any hobby is talking about your purchases, bragging about your purchases, and justifying your purhcase to like minded people. We all have hobbies and one should budget them appropiately. I for one will NOT go into debt for this hobby or any of my other hobbies.... okay bad timing I just purchased a motorhome and did finance 60% of it's value. But my point still stands.

Anyways Todd I think this can be a good topic, but in no way would say that TSC or the shaving community as a whole is TRYING to FORCE buying. I have other hobbies such as numismatics where that community at times can be WAY more ruthless.

Being a part of this community for many years now this topic has come up a few times and even here at TSC before. Yes the hobby creates FOMO and many times we all have fallen victim, but I truly hope no one is going into debt to make these purchases, and this is coming from a guy who works for a fortune 500 bank, and used to manage the credit card portfolio.

AND

@Cvargo please delete my account.

 

[elmerPHuD]

No longer to I buy the latest and greatest scented soap or aftershave. I have enough of those. I replace things I run out of and like.

Yes, I would add that I am guilty of trying to find "THE BEST __________________" or finding a scent that is perfect for me. My wife jokes about me spending 30 minutes in front of the barbecue sauce section at the grocery store because I am trying to find the BEST one. I can order a sushi roll that I love, but then I will not order it for awhile because I want to work my way through the roll list (nothing wrong with that BTW). My wife on the other hand will order the same thing over and over. I am always, "I wonder if there is something I would like even better?" I guess that is a form of FOMO.

 

[Spider]

Under solutions....

buy samples rather than full tubs. Only buy full tubs of scents you love.

participate in hardware/software pass boxes, so you can try before you buy!

 

[HMan]

Personally I think this is a great topic.

You pretty well nailed all the danger signs etc, so there's not much to add really.

Of course at the end of the day it really comes down to making your hobby fit your finances and not the other way around.

Right now I don't have free funds to invest in the hobby and have other areas that are higher priority for me. So it's about how I view my participation in the hobby.

Like most of us, my situation isn't so dire that I haven't been able to amass a great collection of stuff to use. I don't need to buy anything for quite some time.

If that weren't the case, I'd maybe be more tempted to get more stuff. But as I'm really perfectly satisfied, I just choose to enjoy seeing what other folks have, without getting all worked up, that I need to get more stuff too. Sure there will be the occasional item that I'll fixate on, but really I just remind my self that I'm set and satisfied. When finances and priorities change I worry about it then.

 

[elmerPHuD]

@Cvargo
I had to look up numismatics I would love to hear some stories of the ruthless pressuring your speak of in that hobby.

I am in no way accusing the community as a whole, and certainly not TSC, as trying to get people to buy more. The responsibility lies with the purchaser to make decisions aligned with their situation and values. I hope I did not say something in the post that made it sound like I was accusing others of intentionally enabling unhealthy behavior. A distinction can be made between facilitating good purchases vs. enabling bad ones.

I think that your distinction between a hobby and toiletries is a good one. And this indeed can happen in any hobby. I know I have gone through phases with pocket knives, fountain pens, etc. But I do hear in the community either veiled or intentional requests for assistance on how to set boundaries on your hobby. I know I can become a bit delusional when I go all in on anything.

I think some people just might need the guidance on knowing when they might be purchasing outside the lines that the "sober" them wants to stay inside of. And I think hearing someone else say, as I could say, "I knew I was going a bit too far when I started hiding purchases and deliveries from my wife." I have even clicked "purchase" to get rid of the anxiety I was feeling about whether or not to purchase. Other times I am able to walk away, like I did on that cart of Atlanta Barber Supply stuff I posted.

While we are all certainly in varying financial states, even a banker like you who I assume has made good purchase decisions much like doctors might lead healthier lifestyles due to seeing so much disease, makes decisions. You still have to decide on a continual basis "do I pay off this motorhome early, or do I just stick to the payments so I can have enough discretionary income for shaving stuff". As far as I know you have an endowment that draws enough interest to cover your shaving stuff. Those are personal decisions.

I am just saying that helping others know warning signs is something I want to do well. I know I value most the friends I have who I can ask, "Hey, let me tell you where my head is at on this, and you call me on my BS if you hear any." I don't know. I guess I am just thinking that the people I know who seek support when their hobbies become addictions do better than people who try to face it alone.

I don't want to come across as a solution looking for a problem, so any tips from y'all on how to "present" this would be helpful.

To be honest, as with most things, I am making this content to help me as much as anybody.

 

[elmerPHuD]

By the way, the beauty of this hobby, to me, is bringing more choices to usually mundane tasks and making the mundane enjoyable. I mean the thought of going back to shaving with synthetic smelling canned goo and overpriced cartridges depresses the hell out of me.

 

[Cvargo]

Hey Todd I do think these topics can be important to discuss... We just need to be careful at how we discuss it. Obviously some communities are different than others. But I will say as an owner anyone who is derogatory towards someone for NOT purchasing something WE as owners would not stand for it. There is a fine line and for this particular topic I feel confident in saying the TSC community is always on the right side of that line.

 

[elmerPHuD]

Maybe the topic should not be hobby specific. Maybe I go with, "Is your hobby getting out of hand?"

 

[BarberDave]

PS: I am particularly interested in suggestions for my viewers of how to control their spending.

Really not up to us, we can make suggestions, but at what point are we considering ourselves "Counselors". I am aware folks have problems in all walks of life, gambling, drinking, spending, etc, however IMHO it is better left to those that are close to us, friends, family. We can steer we cannot cure.

One other thought or question: What responsibility to we have as keepers of the hobby to warn newcomers to the blind spots?

None, it is navigation we all need to find our and find our own path. Those of us older folks were allowed to fall down, scrape up our knees. Were picked up by our parents, brush off, hit in the butt, and told to move on. Again my opinion, success in life is just a series of failures we have surmounted. We hand hold too much today IMHO

Well crap. This brings into clear focus what a bad influence ya'll are. @Cvargo please delete my account.

In a word @NurseDave NO!. This is the "Family" Once you are in, there is only one way out for you.....

Look, I am guilty as any one, but this is a discussion that has to happen. Maybe it has. Because I have heard some of y'all talking about being on purchase sabbaticals or talking about SAD and other acronyms.

Very good subject to cover.

I remember a thread on another shaving forum and the guy had been compulsively buying shaving things. And he would do many of the things on your list, such as hiding them from his spouse, lying to his spouse about it and creating financial problems.

He had come onto the forum asking for help. But the help he wanted was how to cover it up better and save his marriage. Users were trying to steer him in the right direction, but he didn’t want to hear it. Then the wife signed onto the forum to blame the members. Then they were both gone. Messy business. But it is an unhealthy obsession and needs to be addressed.

Well there is a very clear difference between buying toiletries and then particpating in a hobby. For 99% of the people here it is a hobby.

I do agree though if your hobby begins to effect your life negatively it is probably time to re-evaluate. Part of any hobby is talking about your purchases, bragging about your purchases, and justifying your purhcase to like minded people. We all have hobbies and one should budget them appropiately. I for one will NOT go into debt for this hobby or any of my other hobbies.... okay bad timing I just purchased a motorhome and did finance 60% of it's value. But my point still stands.

Anyways Todd I think this can be a good topic, but in no way would say that TSC or the shaving community as a whole is TRYING to FORCE buying. I have other hobbies such as numismatics where that community at times can be WAY more ruthless.

Being a part of this community for many years now this topic has come up a few times and even here at TSC before. Yes the hobby creates FOMO and many times we all have fallen victim, but I truly hope no one is going into debt to make these purchases, and this is coming from a guy who works for a fortune 500 bank, and used to manage the credit card portfolio.

AND

This!

Should we recognize if someone reaches out, Yes. Should we become their "Doctor" No. We should not offer help IMHO unsollicited it is not our place to do so.

 

[ShawnF]

Look I know we are grown ass men

I think this speaks volumes. As grown ass men,(and women in the hobby) we should be able to distinguish between what we should be doing and not be doing. My other thoughts have already been addressed by Dave and Chad in a better way than I can type them, so I'll leave that as I agree with them. We can offer guidance when asked for, but we can't control someone else.

 

[Aaron]

Coming to a forum for help to stop buying is like hanging out at the bar looking for help to stop drinking.