Do you ever get to stop being a parent? 
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Adult Children
- Thread starter August West
- Start date
woodpusher
TSCās International Man of Meh
Oh ... I though this was going to be a generally Public Service Announcement to the the entire Cadre membership. After all, most of us fall into the thread title's classification. Plus we like toys!
A few of my old work buddies have had their 30 somethings with wife and children in tow move back in to their homestead after hitting hard times. Albeit temporary in those cases. I donāt have any truck with that, but I asked my sons if they would ever consider it. They all replied with a resounding no. Consensus is they are grateful for their upbringing and we all get along fairly well, but I guess I didnāt make life too comfortable for them when they hit their late teens and they longed to leave the nest. I donāt know if thatās a compliment.
I think it is a compliment AND you never stop being the parent
Thanks.
I think this is the only time you have to worry
This summer
Longhaultanker
Sr. Shave Member
Close the wallet and say no. Works fine. Hard at first. Itās all worked out, twiceā¦ boy and girl.Do you ever get to stop being a parent?
You never stop being a parent. But that's the best part. They'll always need you for something. Our daughter calls us each night as she drives home from work. It can be annoying, especially when we're watching one of our shows or the hockey game is on, but on the few nights that she doesn't call, my wife gets sad.
So true.
My mom used to call her mom EVERY DAY when she got off work on her way home and talked to her mom... After my grandmother passed away my mom says she Still wishes she could call her....
WAIT! A wet bar? I love it
We (like my parents before me) have a rule in our home. My kids can stay as long as they wish provided they are working AND going to school. No school? then you must have more time to work, which means you can move out. In practice, this has worked well.
I think everyone has their own concept of what it means to be a parent of an adult child and what it means to be the adult child. My brother calls my dad daily whereas I do not feel the need to do so. My boys rarely call me but they are in regular communication with my wife (usually via text). I get texts from them when they want to share their successes and/or need input on troubles they are having. We live in close enough proximity that an in person visit is easy and we do see them often.
Will my wife and/or I be there to help when they need it? absolutely. I think we would even go so far as to allow them to re-enter the homestead if needed...but i would put them in the barn. I guess our approach is to support those who are making the attempt to make their situation better, while we frown on the idea that we would be supporting someone who is not motivated to or attempting to use our support as an opportunity to improve their situation.
I think everyone has their own concept of what it means to be a parent of an adult child and what it means to be the adult child. My brother calls my dad daily whereas I do not feel the need to do so. My boys rarely call me but they are in regular communication with my wife (usually via text). I get texts from them when they want to share their successes and/or need input on troubles they are having. We live in close enough proximity that an in person visit is easy and we do see them often.
Will my wife and/or I be there to help when they need it? absolutely. I think we would even go so far as to allow them to re-enter the homestead if needed...but i would put them in the barn. I guess our approach is to support those who are making the attempt to make their situation better, while we frown on the idea that we would be supporting someone who is not motivated to or attempting to use our support as an opportunity to improve their situation.
I long ago came to the conclusion that I didn't raise a child...I raised an adult. My wife and I gave our daughter the skills she would need to be a fully functioning adult. Granted, she still calls us for the few things we didn't prepare her for, like currently dealing with the mind numbing amount of paperwork that goes into buying a house, but she has the skills to ask the people giving her the paperwork what everything means and to speak up when she's not certain about things. Basically we taught her that is not important to know all the answers but to know where the answers are and to not be afraid to ask for help with the answers. (obviously not when it comes to her schooling...for that she needs to look up the answers).
I think everyone here has brought some very valid stances on this. Iād just like to add I think the last few years have thrown some challenges maybe other generations have not experienced - I think my generation is to blame for 2008 that weāre still recovering from, and of course this pandemic is another challenge. Since my kids are now getting to the age where they are reaching adulthood - theyāll be given the choice as well - you can stay home if you are continuing your education, if you choose not to, then there are other options. I have a special needs son that I absolutely want to be with me rather than be in a home - so thereās that.
For me, though my parents didnāt give me the ultimatum, I really wanted to move out. I was fortunate that I had a partial scholarship for college that afforded me opportunities to go out on my own (while having a safety net of my parents; though it was very clear from my father especially - during the summers - regardless of the scholarship - I was going to work and expected to pay for insurance, necessities, and my own entertainment). I do thank the Army for helping me grow up faster than my peers - and it is something that I needed - because my attitude was not inline with what it should have - and the Army corrected that right quick).
So in short, I will provide encouragement to my kids, provide them a āsafety netā so to speak - but they will have to do what is expected.
For me, though my parents didnāt give me the ultimatum, I really wanted to move out. I was fortunate that I had a partial scholarship for college that afforded me opportunities to go out on my own (while having a safety net of my parents; though it was very clear from my father especially - during the summers - regardless of the scholarship - I was going to work and expected to pay for insurance, necessities, and my own entertainment). I do thank the Army for helping me grow up faster than my peers - and it is something that I needed - because my attitude was not inline with what it should have - and the Army corrected that right quick).
So in short, I will provide encouragement to my kids, provide them a āsafety netā so to speak - but they will have to do what is expected.
1000000% yes! He needs to be where he is loved!
I don't really have a lot to add to this conversation as I am currently raising children. But my hope is to raise them in good strong values, be a benefit to society, and have a love for God. I feel if I succeed there then one day Megan and I will be able to be empty nesters and travel. We both were raised that we could stay home as long as in school. We plan to do something similar. But we are also instilling in our kids that college isn't the ultimate answer. It's okay to go learn a trade too if that is what you prefer.
When I was living in Montana, I was living in a resort town. The cost of living was so much higher than the pay that we could get that my wife and I were living pay check to pay check while I worked two jobs and she worked one. We decided to move and find a place that had more opportunities. We were just looking to move to a nearby city where average pay was higher and housing was 1/3 the cost. However, my parents asked us to move to East Tennessee where they were so that they could see their 2 grandchildren.
We were planning on renting because we had no money for a down payment anywhere. My parents asked us to move in with them, so we made a deal. We paid rent and bought all the food in the house while we stayed there. We moved out as soon as possible.
With our kids, we are doing much the same as the Vargos.
We were planning on renting because we had no money for a down payment anywhere. My parents asked us to move in with them, so we made a deal. We paid rent and bought all the food in the house while we stayed there. We moved out as soon as possible.
With our kids, we are doing much the same as the Vargos.
I agree that "School" can/should include trade school etc. College & University education is wonderful for those who know where they are heading and the education offered by the school is directly related to that path. My two sons opted for university because one wanted to be a teacher and the other is looking to enter the engineering field (and currently working as an engineer for UPS). My daughter has been attending community college since she was in high school and is planning to continue on to university this fall, BUT she has mentioned being interested on some other things as well that are more trade school oriented. Honestly, all I care about is that they have goals and ambitions that are as big or bigger than their potential and that they never settle for something simply because they are afraid to reach for more. I figure by allowing them to live with us and be supported by us they will feel more comfortable reaching for the big goals.
As a followup to what I said about my daughter calling us each night on her way home from work and calling us for moral support....last night she didn't work and she and our son-in-law went to pub trivia. For whatever reason, this pub allows contestants to "text a friend" once a round (that's called cheating in my book!!!!), so she text me twice last night during the game. Once for the top 4 career homerun leaders and once for the name of the band that sang "Angel In the Centerfold"...or at least that's how my daughter typed it. Its important to be needed.